8 Powerful Steps to Living with Resilience

“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”

Over the years when counselling  parents and teens I have come to understand how these 8 steps can build levels of resilience and well-being.

1. Focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want

The mistake we all make when in the middle of a problem is to talk about it over and over again.  What you focus on grows, so instead of focusing on what is going wrong, why not focus on what you want to achieve?


2. Know that every problem comes with a lesson

Be on the lookout for lessons to learn.  There is always a lesson in everything that happens to us.  Don’t beat yourself up.  What is the lesson and how can you do it differently next time?  Like Confucius say: “If you make a mistake and do not correct it, this is called a mistake.”


3. Don’t believe everything you think

Our problems are rarely as big as our mind is trying to convince us.  If you choose to believe every one of your negative thoughts you will always get into trouble.  Be curious about your thoughts, but don’t identify yourself with them. You are not your thoughts.  Be the boss of your thoughts.


4. Express your gratitude for everything that happens to you, whether good or bad

The more you choose to express your gratitude, the more you will have to be grateful for.   Gratitude overpowers stress, worry, and negativity.


5. Know that there is a reason for everything

Living as though everything that happens  happens for a reason, and every person that enters your life enters for a reason, creates a powerful ability to reflect on your life.  Don’t label these experiences as good, bad, positive or negative, just take responsibility to reflect and learn.


6. Let go of your need for perfection

Needing to be perfect is a perhaps the chief barrier to wellbeing.  When you try to do everything perfectly you meet with stress and frustration because it is impossible to be perfect.  Strength comes from being comfortable with your imperfections.


7. Let go of your resistance

Accept things as they are without  trying to change them and without striving against them. When you stress over a situation and strive against what is, you are in fact fighting against the present moment, against reality, and against the flow of life.  This battle you will never win.  Allow yourself to just be. Go with the flow and allow timeliness to do its work.   “By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.” Lao Tzu


8. Learn to be present in everything you do

Rest in the present moment and engage in the now.  Get out of your head and experience your life.  Your whole life will become so much easier and you will realize how your problems will start to fade , little by little.   If you get too caught up in your mind, if you think too much about what happened in the past and create fear about what may  happen in the future, you will generate a great deal of pain and suffering.  This kind of energy will be toxic, not only for yourself, but also for those around you.


Counselling sessions available in Burlington or Dundas (serving Hamilton,  Ancaster and Waterdown)

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Dundas, ON , L9H 1V4
Telephone: 905-220-8028
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